When being yourself becomes a problem

“Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to”, sang The Smiths in their memorable 1987 Ask.

One of the greatest difficulties for the bride and groom on their wedding day is to be able to be photographed in moments of full expressive spontaneity that bear witness to the emotions they are experiencing. Why is this so difficult? Precisely because of the fear of not succeeding.

Anxiety and fear of not being able to be oneself take over because feeling observed, framed, watched is something that invades the sphere of privacy and modesty, that touches the most intimate part of the person. It is normal to feel a sense of shyness… an uneasiness, an embarrassment, mixed with awe.

Added to this is the fear of not being good enough. In a world where looking perfect seems to be of utmost importance, it is easy not to feel enough: not beautiful enough, not thin enough, muscular enough, tanned enough, smiling enough, fit enough. One is unhappy with one’s image and ashamed. The fear of not being photogenic, or of being judged by others, invokes a constant ‘feeling imperfect’, inadequate.

But that is not all.

There may be a deeper fear: that of being ‘laid bare’ and being revealed as one really is. It is the fear of seeing oneself through the eyes of others and perhaps finding the image one has of oneself belied.

Photogenic one becomes.

A beautiful portrait photograph is not an ‘objective’ documentation of a person’s physicality, but must reveal their personal and unique beauty. Photogenic one becomes: what really counts is to let something of oneself shine through from a glance, from an instinctive gesture. An emotion, a tiny glimmer of the soul. To do this, however, one must feel welcomed and immersed in an atmosphere of trust. This is why it is important to rely on the sensitivity of a photographer who can understand you, who can look at you and make you look with a different gaze, able to capture your most authentic beauty. Which is not the artificial perfection of advertisements or photos on magazine covers, but the truest part of us. Being photographed with these criteria becomes a starting point for getting to know yourself and becoming aware of yourself and your potential. The experience of wedding photography thus becomes a moment of exploration and analysis, an act of investigation, in which we lay ourselves bare to discover a different reading of ourselves. The final images will become traces of a unique moment: a day as protagonists, in which to learn to see oneself as different, overcome embarrassment, discover oneself as better and, at the same time, as real.


I’ll let you in on a secret, it’s called empathy.

We opened this article with a quotation and closed it with a definition: ‘Empathy: in psychology, in general, the ability to understand the mood and emotional situation of another person, in an immediate way, mainly without recourse to verbal communication’ [Treccani]. Empathy is precisely one of the most important elements of wedding photography and the basis of the Realwed method. When I photograph, I put people and personal relationships first. I listen to them, get to know them, share their story, their fears, their joy. I share with the bride and groom and their families a little piece of the road, the one that leads to their ‘yes’ day. And in this atmosphere of friendship, of fellowship, the foundations are created for an empathetic relationship, of trust, of mutual knowledge that allows the bride and groom to be relaxed and natural, even in front of the camera lens, and to rediscover themselves as beautiful, happy, real.

Vuoi anche tu dare forma al racconto del tuo matrimonio con emozionanti fotografie spontanee?